In her book The Continuum Concept, Jean Leidloff shares a store about a Yequana man who did not want to work. For years he apparently did nothing but have a vacation, living with family who sheltered and fed him. No one ever told him to get off his lazy butt and go to work. Then, one day, he did go to work. He was finally ready to be productive.

Two and a half years ago, I read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. In the book, the author shares her journey, both physical and spiritual, as she travels to Italy to enjoy life's pleasures, to India to find God, and to Indonesia to learn how to balance it all. I found her personal journey so fascinating, imagining that it must have been incredibly rewarding and life-changing. I wanted such a journey, too.

Of course, I couldn't just drop my life and go travel for a year. I wasn't about to leave my husband to go find myself, and I was pregnant, anyway. But I knew I could still experience this sort of personal journey anyhow. What I didn't know was that Gilbert's story and Leidloff's story would linger constantly in the back of my mind until it became a permanent part of my subconscious. Without really realizing it, I did begin to fashion such a journey for myself.

About a year or so ago, I decided that I wasn't going to do anything I didn't want to. And I was going to enjoy as many things as I could. I've left the house messy, spent hours reading and writing on the computer, allowed my husband to care for our son by himself for two or three hours nearly every evening, and take him on long outings on Saturdays. I've had so much time to myself, and I've spent nearly all of it doing things that I have just felt like doing. I've enjoyed food without guilt, not really caring whether or not I put on weight. I've gone on lots of fun outings with my son. I even have gotten away for a girls' night out every once in a while. I haven't enjoyed everything I would like to...after all, I did have to pay some attention to my life's responsibilities, but after a year of this, I feel like I've indulged myself to the point that I am about to spoil. I've gotten what I needed to out of it. I've learned to enjoy, to do things for pleasure and not feel guilty about it, and not allow myself to feel coerced into doing things I'd rather not.

But now, I feel like I am on the road to India. I'm done with Italy. I am the Yequana man ready to go back to work. I've been feeling a strong desire to be more disciplined. I want to shift my focus to more spiritual things, and I want to be better at fulfilling my responsibilities to my family and my church. I even want to be a little more disciplined in how I eat. I know my life will change. I know something amazing is going to happen when I do this. I'm excited, but a little scared. I'm scared because I've never been very good at self-discipline. I'm much better at being indulgent.

But, fear or no fear, I'm going to do it. My heart is leading me there. In my mind, I know the rewards will be tremendous. It's probably going to take a lot of baby steps, but I will really need to commit to each baby step I take. And when I've done all I can do, and have my fill, I will take a step back and figure out how to balance the pleasure with the spiritual, for I believe that therein lies a greater sense of peace and happiness.

Wish me luck!