Four and a half months pregnant. Nice round belly, baby dancing on my bladder. Yeah, that's not going to feel so good when she's bigger. She. Is it really a she? My mom is sort of psychic when it comes to baby gender. I'm hoping she's right. But I don't want to know right now.

Everyone asks, "When do you find out what you're having?" Although more lately it's been, "Do you know what you're having?" or "Are you going to find out?" To these I say, it's definitely going to be human, I'm pretty sure. And, I don't want to find out if my baby is a boy or a girl under I meet him or her." But husband has other plans.

I don't understand why he must know before the baby is born. What's the point? He has no point. He simply thinks that just because the technology exists to find out before the baby is born, that he has the right, as the father, to know. He says he won't tell me. What the (insert curse word here)?

I've told him I don't want him to know if I don't. Why can't we find out together, you know, when we actually meet our child? He knows I'm not okay with this. He keeps pushing it. For someone who never wants to hurt me, he can sure be quite good at it.

What's he going to do anyway, force me to have an ultrasound?

Seriously, I have never felt so feministic in all my life. He also wants me to give birth in a hospital even though home birth is a viable option, and one that I have pined for over the last six years. He said no last time, so I compromised. That compromise led to a dangerous and traumatizing birthing experience for me and my son. And he wants to go that route again. Because he thinks it's safer.

So I'm halfway through this pregnancy, and we are no closer to resolution than we were in the beginning. Ultimately, it's my body and my choice. But we are a partnership, and I don't want to bring a baby into this family in a spirit in disharmony.

I saw the damage our first child did to our marriage because we were not united in our parenting decisions. It surely started with the pregnancy, and then when he wasn't supportive of my breastfeeding in public without a cover, and then when he questioned other things that I felt were important for our child. I am a strong believer in mother's intuition. I believe we are the natural primary caregivers for our children and that we are gifted with this intuition to help us raise our children. When the father interfere's with this intuition, he is butting his head in where it doesn't belong. I'm grateful that my husband cares and wants to be involved in his children's lives, but it's not okay for him to disregard this powerful gift.

In the year before conceiving this child, I tried so hard to improve our marriage. I wanted so badly to be in love with him again, and to be united with this next child. Things were going well...before I reminded him I wanted a home birth. And now I feel the rift again. Is his way so important to him that he is willing to damage our marriage again? Is he even aware of what he is doing? How it hurts me that he doesn't trust my judgment as a mother?

Everyone expects you to be joyous during pregnancy, but for me, it's more of a sobfest.