I have a certain issue...a weakness of mine...that holds me back. It's very unhealthy for me spiritually, and not good for my relationship with my husband, either. But I am having trouble letting go of it.

Right now I am working on strengthening myself spiritually. There are certain things I can do that I know will strengthen me. These are things like attending church, sincere prayer, scripture study, family time, and attending the temple. These things are not complicated at all...I merely need to make the time for them.

Attending the temple is one of the trickier things for me to accomplish because it requires a certain amount of readiness before one can enter and do work there. I often do not feel like I am in a state of spiritual readiness that is adequate. Really, to be honest, it is that one thing, that one issue I have that holds me back. The irony of the situation is that I feel like I need to attend the temple in order to give me the spiritual strength I need to overcome said issue. Quite challenging, I must say.

So I made a goal to attend the temple at the end of last month. This gave me a few weeks to prepare. I was doing a fair job of reading the scriptures most days, and saying extra prayers throughout the day with my son, as well as my usual prayer before bedtime. I started up Family Home Evening on Monday nights with my family, a practice that is encouraged by our church. Attending church was nothing new for me, but I tried extra hard to get  there on time, as I am very good at being late (I have a late-sleeping toddler for an alarm clock).

As for the 'issue' I have...I tried my very hardest not to succumb to it. It was the most challenging thing of all, but I did better than I normally would have, and I attribute that to the extra spiritual work I had been doing. I was noticeably stronger than I had been before. In the very end, I did succumb to it, but I had put in such a great effort that I felt it was good enough. After all, God only expects us to do our best, not to be perfect (at least not in this life).

I was rewarded for my effort. I went to the temple with my husband. It felt amazing to go. As soon as we got in the car and started heading over there, all my earthly worries disappeared. My mind felt empty except for a pleasant peaceful feeling. It continued this way as I went in and got changed into my temple clothes.

I have heard people say that they learn something new every time they go to the temple, and before this night, I never really understood it. The ordinance work we do involves a set script...if a person attends often enough, they will pretty much know it by heart. I figured that anything "new" a person learned would be related to new insight based on other knowledge they've gained outside of the temple.

But apparently it's more than that.

I went to the temple after weeks of preparing myself spiritually, and it was as if my ears had been "opened" spiritually. I heard things I had never heard before. Surely, it was the same script, but things were jumping out at me, and at one point I nearly gasped. Had I never heard them say that before?


Truly, it was an amazing experience, and I absolutely attribute it to the spiritual preparation I had done beforehand.

I am so grateful I have decided to push myself spiritually. I feel like I have only grown one millimeter out of miles of potential. I am so excited to continue on this journey. It's so easy to get lax about it, though. I need to keep pressing onward....